The Expectation Trap
Read The Daily:
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” —James 4:1
Last week, my wife was chatting with one of our neighbors who has young kids. You know the kind of conversation—it starts with small talk and ends with deep marriage and parenting therapy by the mailbox lol. As they were talking about trying to keep their houses clean, my wife shared some of our early expectations. I grew up with a mom who ran a tight ship—a clean house was next to godliness. So when we got married, I expected our home to run the same way. One problem: I never said it out loud… and more importantly, I never lifted a finger ( I mean, I didn’t growing up…so why would I start now…right?). I just assumed. We came into our marriage with two very different worlds (and expectations).
It wasn’t all just me either. My wife’s dad is a dairy farmer. He worked outside, fixes everything, and always had something tangible to show for his day. Meanwhile, she married me—a guy who works inside more than outside, sits at a computer, and enjoys reading books on leadership and strategy. Talk about a let down of a man for her lol. Either way, the danger is our assumptions can quickly turn into silent expectations. Expectations that feel like pressure to the other person. And pressure, unspoken and unresolved, turns into resentment.
Here’s the danger. The more we expect, the less we tend to appreciate. And the more we assume, the less we communicate. But Jesus offers a better way. A way that starts with gratitude over entitlement. So maybe today’s challenge is this: instead of silently expecting your spouse, your kids, or your friend to do something… thank them when they do. Appreciation breaks the trap. Gratitude keeps your relationships healthy. And no one has ever felt too appreciated.
The more we expect, the less we tend to appreciate. And the more we assume, the less we communicate. But Jesus offers a better way. A way that starts with gratitude over entitlement.
That’s the expectation trap. James 4:1 reminds us—our fights don’t start with them, they start with us. With what we want and don’t get. It’s the exact same reason the disciples were arguing while walking…they wanted to know who was the greatest.
Prayer for the Day
God what are you showing me? What am I going to do about it?
God help me to see one person that I can serve through a kind word, random act of kindness, or simple gift today?
Make sure you complete the reading or comment today.
Read The New Testament In A Year
One day as he saw the crowds gathering, Jesus went up on the mountainside and sat down. His disciples gathered around him, and he began to teach them. “God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth. God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. “God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way. “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. Matthew 5:1-16
When the Gentiles sin, they will be destroyed, even though they never had God’s written law. And the Jews, who do have God’s law, will be judged by that law when they fail to obey it. For merely listening to the law doesn’t make us right with God. It is obeying the law that makes us right in his sight. Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right. And this is the message I proclaim—that the day is coming when God, through Christ Jesus, will judge everyone’s secret life. You who call yourselves Jews are relying on God’s law, and you boast about your special relationship with him. You know what he wants; you know what is right because you have been taught his law. You are convinced that you are a guide for the blind and a light for people who are lost in darkness. You think you can instruct the ignorant and teach children the ways of God. For you are certain that God’s law gives you complete knowledge and truth. Well then, if you teach others, why don’t you teach yourself? You tell others not to steal, but do you steal? You say it is wrong to commit adultery, but do you commit adultery? You condemn idolatry, but do you use items stolen from pagan temples? You are so proud of knowing the law, but you dishonor God by breaking it. No wonder the Scriptures say, “The Gentiles blaspheme the name of God because of you.” The Jewish ceremony of circumcision has value only if you obey God’s law. But if you don’t obey God’s law, you are no better off than an uncircumcised Gentile. And if the Gentiles obey God’s law, won’t God declare them to be his own people? In fact, uncircumcised Gentiles who keep God’s law will condemn you Jews who are circumcised and possess God’s law but don’t obey it. For you are not a true Jew just because you were born of Jewish parents or because you have gone through the ceremony of circumcision. No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by the Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people. Romans 2:12-29